This is why, when a guy goes out on a date with a woman and finds himself really liking her, he often will demonstrate his affection by avoiding her for the rest of his life.

Dave Barry really had me laughing.
This story was relatable to me. I hate to admit it, but I've been an Elaine, and I've known some Rogers.

I'm sure some of us have been that girl (or guy, because hey, maybe some of them care... right? maybe?) that reads too much into things...
"Oh my gosh, Kristen... he put a smiley face in that last text. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?"
Maybe it meant he smiled in real life. Or maybe he wants to get married. Could be either.
In all likelihood, said text message sender is probably sitting at home playing Call of Duty and mindlessly typed a a parenthese and a colon next to each other. And I'm left to decipher the meaning of his maybe-but-probably-not-so-mysterious emotion.

But really, this story plays up women's tendency to overanalyze things and men's tendency to... not. Barry's writing got me in the "it's funny because it's true" kind of way.
For example, I highlighted this passage because I thought it was awesome:

"A lot of women have concluded that the problem is that guys, as a group, have the emotional maturity of hamsters. No, this is not the case. A hamster is much more capable of making a lasting commitment to a woman, especially if she gives it those little food pellets. Whereas a guy, in a relationship, will consume the pellets of companionship, and he will run on the exercise wheel of lust; but as soon as he senses that the door of commitment is about to close and trap him in the wire cage of true intimacy, he'll squirm out, scampers across the kitchen floor of uncertainty and hide under the refrigerator of nonreadiness."

I got a pretty good chuckle from this extended metaphor and the thought of a little hamster boyfriend skittering around. I'm really trying to avoid the word cognitive shift (so I will), but paralleling a men's commitment and a pet hamster has humorous mental implications, especially when Barry's comparison seems so... accurate.

I'll be interested to hear what the guys have to say about this passage.